And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
