you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
