what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Houston, we have a squirter
Mom said you looked used
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize