If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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