very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
