"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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