she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
