Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
