I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
