She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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