SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
