Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
