remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
