and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
