this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
