on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
