If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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