i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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