call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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