i jhust puked up my retainher.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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