I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
