What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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