Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
