Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
