Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
