4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
