U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
