I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
