You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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