After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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