Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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