yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
