he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
