And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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