Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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