Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
