i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
