I am spending my child support on dildos
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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