Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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