how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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