My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
