she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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