You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We're using joints as your birthday candles
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
