I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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