She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
