I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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