i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
