There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
