Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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