Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize