dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I want a musical about memes.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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