every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
