i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
