someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It was confusing and full of hummus
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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