I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
