You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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