Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
