alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
