in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
