And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
