Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
