I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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