We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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