There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
