oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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