The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
