At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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