Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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