you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize