At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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