She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
