So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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