I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
