Can Purell be used as lube?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize