He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
