I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize