awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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