Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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