cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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